Orienting to Self & Others

Recently, I taught a mini-retreat segment for The Solano Commission for Women and Girls. The topic at hand, "Orienting to Self & Others." These driven and courageous women serve Solano County well. As we serve others we must orient toward them. We must start with our self and our self-care. As I designed this segment I reflected on personal energy management and an aspect of yogic practice not spoken often enough of in yoga popular culture. It was a pleasure to share yogic philosophy and applications on this topic. 

When we begin to prioritize our self care for physical and mental well-being, we may become aware of how depleted our energy has become. Often, there is an orientation to others needs coming first. Through roles we take on, whether that is parenting, partnering, or in work, we carry many roles of responsibility and care. If you feel depleted or are challenged by how to balance life without depletion I’d like to share with you a few tips that have helped me.

In my work, I advise establishing a basic system for orienting to your “inner self” as best first step. This position brings clarity to the information our body and mind is sending.  The inner self is where we reflect and revel in important life experiences, tend self-care practice outcomes that provide depth and meaning and where the mind-body communication is heard. 

Distinguishing “inner self” from the “ego self” others see us to be, will bring a helpful mind to our life. One outcome, of orienting to your inner self, is skill in utilizing the positive mirror it provides. Consulting the voice of ego will bring muddy waters to your thoughts while developing a relationship with your true nature brings clarity of vision and sense. This internal mirror can guide internal chatter to a more affirming, realistic, self-aware direction. This positive self-reference may affirm our fundamental nature of generosity with others. So just how can we maintain balance as we orient to our own self-needs and extend to others without becoming depleted?

I have experienced a balance that allows me to prioritize my “inner-self” care and my outer service or attendance to others. Through finding this way, my care of others is present and rich because my self care is consistent and starts with “inner-self” orientation. The skills gained in deep listening positively affect all of my relationships. Another benefit is developing skill in monitoring your personal energy state, energy reserves and energy drains. There are 3 guiding principles I employ to create an environment conducive to measuring outcomes in my life related to well-being.

1. You are full, complete and self-respecting. This is not an affirmation, per se. This basic truth helps monitor the state of your energy. If it doesn’t feel true on any certain day, there are a set of practices to return the mind and heart to its’ truth. This truth is the foundation for healthy boundaries with yourself and with others. If this thought feels foreign, healing work can release what keeps you from its knowledge.

2. Daily small inputs create abundant internal reservoirs of energy; it’s like topping off the gas tank, daily. So, if you get busy and miss self-care (in any way, on any day) you know where your resource is to return to sooner than later. To facilitate this inner technology, learn, through self-study:

 a.) Where your energy comes from

 b.) How to read your levels hourly, daily, weekly, and/ or monthly

 c.) Know how to return to inner self after extending to others 

 Hint: Easiest to practice when you aim to return to reflection your inner-self within a day of missing this habit.

3. If your service or work is unnoticed, notice it yourself and celebrate a daily “well-done.” This trains one to value their own self-assessment, self-correction and brings awareness to areas that tend to drain energy. Our energy levels will always be resilient when we aim to reduce, limit and eliminate energy drains to our body/mind system.

Orienting to ones’ “inner self” will assist in maintaining your energy balance; this is step one in learning to navigate your autonomic nervous system. Defining “inner self” from “ego self” determines the experience your body/mind sends is received into the loving inner-self for mirroring and assessment. Over time, this turns into a self-study whereby you know yourself better and you can extend your energy healthfully.

For additional resources to support you orienting to self I invite you to consider applying to my next “Yama Group.” This group brings 6 students together every month over one year to learn the concepts and applications of classical yoga philosophy; it is foundational and fundamental to safe yoga practice on and off mat. Alternatively, if orienting to inner-self assists you to simply chill out and that is difficult for you, try my Antidotes to Tension coaching program.